dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
