Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
