Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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