If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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