Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
