I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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