So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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