Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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