you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
