one two three fourrrrnication!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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