My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
