Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
