it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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