Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I stole a fireplace last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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