Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
