nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
