just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
