Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
