His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
