I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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