you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
