I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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