i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
