he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
