This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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