I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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