I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
