the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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