Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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