We won't sleep together?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
