What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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