the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
