how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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