the day after is always just damage control
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
