Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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