Apparently you make a good broom.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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