If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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