There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
