I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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