hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
