the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
