We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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