If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
