god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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