Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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