In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
