This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
