cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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