she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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