i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
