i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
