WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
