I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
