i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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