I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
porn star boner night. come get it.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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