Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
