finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
