could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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