i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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