i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
