two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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