We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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