I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
